Today’s topic is, the hardest thing I have ever experienced. And I have to say that there are 2 moments in my life that really stand out. These were moments that really pushed me to the breaking point and impacted my entire life and even those around me. But I made it through and I think that I am even stronger for it.
The first one being the passing of my dad. We were close, he coached me in all of my sports from the beginning and not having him there made it incredibly hard to play at all. Not only was this hard on me, but it was hard on my entire family. I watched my mom lose her husband and best friend. I saw my sister also lose her dad. I saw my aunt and uncle lose a brother. It is something that I will carry with me for the rest of my life, but instead of carrying around sadness, I choose to carry the memories and the good times. It makes me happier and keeps my heart whole.
It took a long time for me to fully heal from the loss, and even then there are times when it just sneaks up on me. But I know now that there ways to get through it, talking about him and my memories makes me feel better. I am not ashamed to afraid to tell people if they ask, it is a part of my life and I think that talking about it has made it easier. I also kept a journal, in times when I needed to vent and I always felt better after letting it out on the paper.
The second would be dating someone who had a lot of baggage from their family life and a previous relationship. It was not a healthy relationship by any means. We were on and off for a year and half before we really got going. He had trust issues and some problems at home. Which he then took out on me by pushing me away and saying some rude things and then when I would give him the space he created he would come back telling me he missed me and that he was sorry.
I eventually ended it when he came clean about cheating on me. It crushed me. But I realized that I couldn’t trust him at all and that I couldn’t deal with the emotional roller coaster that was the relationship we had. That’s when he told me about how he thought about ending his life. He never acted on it and it was just a thought he had, but it nearly destroyed me. To have that kind of responsibility over someones life is terrifying.
It took months and talking with someone to really get me sorted, but since then I have learned to protect myself and healthy ways to cope with pressure and super emotional times that I may be going through.
These are obviously the short versions of these events, but they are the 2 that have impacted my life the most. Please remember, that there is always someone who cares and will listen if you need to talk!